A Memory Needed
by Imwaiting4myAliceandEdward
Summary: A moment when Severus has nothing but a memory that can keep him going


It was on nights like tonight that made Severus Snape's mind so strong, so sharp. The pain was unbearable. He was the one that knew all the names of the families targeted tonight, all four of them. Families of present and past student's of

his. Three muggle-borns, one half-blood. He had taught the students, and tonight, he just could not handle knowing and doing nothing. He was nearing his breaking point. Killing Dumbledore, students under his care tortured,

being hated by all- whether fellow deatheaters or Order members- had put Severus Snape near the end of his tether. But doing something, no matter the repercussions, had brought him some will to keep going. At the moment, however, his mind

was all that was keeping him going.

The punishment was gruesome. It did not matter that he would have to work tomorrow with a few hundred students and staff and monitor punishments (so they were neither too harsh nor too lenient and catch attention), avoid hexes and traps (by both

students and professors), that he would have to ignore those in need and praise offenders; no none of that mattered because his position was a 'gift' for murdering his predecessor and was viewed as his master as a job of luxury.

Right now the pain was bearable. He tried to think of the students and their families he had saved, but quickly refrained. It would be too easy for his master to view such memories. No only treasured memories, memories hidden would be

able to be viewed while his body went through such torment. The funny part was that he was despised by the Order of the Pheonix, and his master knew, yet also knew that somehow Severus had to have been involved in the removal of the families.

Four families and none were at home! Most belongings were still in the empty houses but photos, clothes, bodies were missing. And so Severus was blamed, because besides him, four people knew prior to the apparition and each only

knew of one location and family.

And so he tried to refrain from making sound. When the pain was beyond that point he tried not to whimper and only let out frustrated yelling. Any sign of weakness was bad, even though he knew it was inevitable. When it became too much

he let his mind wander. He was a master Occlumens and so he knew what his limits were. He kept up a string of thoughts of pain and suffering (not that it was difficult at the moment) and built a wall behind them where he could finally

hide and take a breath. The wall was glass however, and he knew there was only so much time before it would be shattered. But he had a memory in mind that he wanted to see. He knew exactly where it was and got to work. He turned

around and viewed the still water his mind had created to protect itself. He moved quickly towards it and knew exactly where his feet needed to be placed in order to walk across the water on invisible stepping stones. His steps were efficient

and purposeful. When he finally saw the island appear his determination increased. Once on solid land again he imagined a shovel and began digging a specific location. And when the locked box came into view, he pulled the imaginary

key out of his pocket unlocked the box and let the chains surrounding it fall. And he sighed when the box opened when in reality his body screamed and was being sliced open by cursed knives by people he had once, momentarily, considered friends.

But the memory. That was what he needed right now. And so he viewed it with relief.

"Severus! Where did you go?" A girl with bright red hair and Green eyes inquired.

"To get you this." The boy pulled a flower nearly ready to bloom from behind his back.

"Oh Sev, it's so pretty! Wherever did you get it?" She glanced up at him before looking back at the blooming flower in her hand with complete aw.

"I made it." His face did not hold a smile, but it was close. He was proud of this project after all.

"But we're not supposed to do magic outside of school, you know that." Her words were admonishing, but the tone was carefree.

The petals were slowly pealing back when suddenly a hummingbird flew out with a glitter of magic, followed by a butterfly and faerie, all of which circled the red haired girl.

Lily's gasp of amazement and surprise finally caused Severus to smile.

"It's amazing, Severus! It's beautiful!"

The girl threw her arms around the boy and kissed his cheek, careful not to drop her gift.

"Happy birthday, Lily"

"Best gift ever, Severus. What would I ever do without my best friend?"

The memory continued until eventually the two children were sitting under a tree near a pond.

"We'll always be friends right, Sev?"

"Of course."

The girl leaned against the black haired boy, "Good, and one day when I have kids, I want you to do something wonderful like this for them too." She quickly looked at him when he made no response. "Promise you'll be around to watch my

kids, and I'll watch yours and our families will grow old together."

Oh how far life had gone from that wish.

Severus could feel his body soil himself from the pain and knew he would pass out soon or finally succumb to the Cruciatus. He grabbed the chains and locked the box, bar it and made the ground smooth, quickly hopped across the water's surface, and  
/made it back to his glass wall as he watched it shatter and have his mind invaded at his weakest moment. He knew it would be fine though, because he would make it one more day in order to try and find one way to put some purpose in the world

so the next generation could find a way to put some beauty back into the world. Any dangerous memories were secure and he passed yet another test by the most feared person in Europe. He had no beauty to offer the world, but he would protect

his friend's son, and do whatever he could to make it possible for someone else to bring beauty to the world. His days, he knew, were numbered. But he would never forgive himself if he broke the promise he had made to watch over his best

friend's child.. And he would succeed. He could hide from his pain and memories from others. He was a master Occlumens after all.

 **AN: This is proof I am still alive. To answer everyone's questions, yes I am still working on What a Veela Wants, a Veela Gets, and Keeping Secrets. (I am nearly done on both). Hopefully they will be done soon, but time and motivation have been lacking. Please let me know what you think. This was simplyan idea like AfterThe Battles We've Won was.**


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